ramble, ramble, ramble, ramble, hooray!|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
[ << Previous 20 ]
[ << Previous 20 ]
|Tuesday, December 18th, 2007|
i have just realised that over the past week i have MC'd our theatre sports competition. Wandered the steets of newtown and gone to see tegan and sara at the enmore which involved a whole lot of screaming, jumping, singing and clapping. Participated in a mudfight in a construction sight at midnight (well that ryhmed pretty cool!). Cleaned, hauled and stacked bricks with my friends to repay mum for breaking my letterbox in our awesome letterbox escapade. Explored the huge, beautiful, old, boarded up, graffitied, abandoned building next to the cinema. Went to a party with a bouncer. And started going out with a really really awesome boy.
go back another week i went to the beach with my class and ate icecream and pizza on the warm cement of the manly corso. Laughed at a storm while on it broke over us while we were on the ferry from manly to circular quey. went to an awesome book shop and bought one of my best friends a birthday present of comics and the book of the princess bride for myself. got attacked by territorial lads who didnt like my friends long hair (he's a boy, boys arent "ment" to have long hair. he's also my boyfriend now. how amazing is that!?)
go back another week and i cant remember for the life of me where i was. this is not due to any drugs or alcohol, the days simply merge and then i lose track.
go back another week and it was my year 10 formal. instead of getting smashed at an after party me and my friends loaded my letterbox (which is one of the bick pillars outside my house and consists of about 40ish bricks. heavy) into a shopping trolley and roped it in with the help of my dad (unbeknownst to my mum and my stepdad) and hauled it across the town in the pissing rain with about a dozen teenagers who i love to bits.
go back another week and Bos'n ruel the second died. He was our dog and he was 8 years old, thats half my lifetime. i remember being 8 years old and sitting on the floor of dads workshop with my brother teaching bos'n to sit. i remember many many times over his entire lifetime, curling up with him when ever i was upset. i remember how he'd follow the joggers to the dogpark when he was little and the next thing we knew we'd get a call saying your dog is in brookvale. i remember running with him and chasing him and throwing a stick for him. i remember how he'd never bring the bloody stick back! he'd sit an stay and come and hi-5 and hi-10 and watch out of the way and stop licking you and lye down and rollover and more if you asked him nicely but he'd never bring the bloody stick back. i also had a painful phone conversation the night before bos'n died.
go back another week and i cant remember, i rememeber it was good though.
my life is so so ful of ups and downs, an incredible rollercoaster ride of pain and joy. from my point of view teenage life IS all its cracked up to be. i'm LOVING life (i really miss bos'n though) and its beautiful fullness. Current Mood: happy
|Monday, October 22nd, 2007|
i went to see the cat empire at the metro and it was amazing. it was good to have a dance again as well.
i pushed my way to the front of the stage, i ever touche dhte stage for a second, until i was pushed back again by the people at the front who wernt going to lose their spot. i wouldnt want absolute front spot. theres no room to even mosh properly let alone dance. for most of it i was about 3 rows from the front. the whole band were just throwing themselves into it.i know how much a performer bounces of their audience and we were going crazy aand they sure responded! felix had a huge grin plastered across his face as he sung, he looked like there was no other place in the world he'd rather be, and personaly, i agreed whole heartedly with him.
but what i loved the most about saturday night was to have the music in my feet again. to have it run through my blood and run through the blood of everyone around me. what happens when a whole room of about 100-200 people have the same beat in their veins, feeling the same music? everyone moves as one. everyone. even if not everyones moshing/dancing. all these human beings disapear and its like one huge being. you make eye contact and scream with people you've never met in yourlife and will never meet again. you lose eye contact with everyone and everything and retreat into your self, while still complety a part of everone around you, and just dance. i'm not sure if i'm making any sense whatso ever, what i'm trying to get across is not the dancing or the music really, although that was amazingly awesome. its the feeling you get of being at one with everyone, like you've become one huge animal with one nervous system opperating all of you instead of many separate entities. but that makes it seem like you lose your sense of you, you dont. mabye its like a wave that just picks everyone up and carries them all together. and when the wave crashes you realise that oh my god i need some water!
anyway, i soared on saturday, thats evident enough. i felt infinete.
and it didnt matter that i have exams on monday andtuesday, i just flew. Current Mood: chilling, should be studying
|Thursday, September 20th, 2007|
i spent about an hour/ an hour and a half soaring tonight. and i also realsied where soaring comes from. its love. which explains why i soar after/during circo so often. monkey also pointed out what we have that the zanyaks dont, love, yeah, they're a whole lot more professional than us and they've got arial and tumblign and acro coz they got they're act togther enough to get insureance and a regular trainer who sticks with them, but we have love and so much of it! i'm in the circus i'm in coz while the zanyaks went to bed at 10 at catapult we stayed up till 12 jamming and singing and dancing and playing with imaginary toys called soons (someting and of nothings) that jackattack creates and brody vanishes!
we really are a really big family, but its more than that, real familys dont stick together like glue, lots of us are really quite different to each other but we still love each other to bits. hazzah for my blurtian family. there is so much love to be had in this world. Current Mood: soaring
|Tuesday, August 28th, 2007|
i hate this, it makes me all weak and shaky. i threw up on the school bus. how shit is that?i then had to wait 20 minites at the bottom of the driveway in a t shirt coz i threw up on my shirt coz mum couldnt find the car keys.
sonja, one of the sub teachers, a mum at the school waited with me and then yeshi, who was our dance teacher for caberet, went and got an old blanket out of his car for me. i have just spent from about 9 30am to 1pm in bed waking up every half hr or so to gag a bit coz there was nothing left to throw upcoz I HAD NO BREAKFAST!!
and if i eat anything i'll throw up!
and its tueday, i'd better be up to going up to the carrington lawns to see my friends.and i have the house to my self but i cant put music on loud coz my head'll pop!
but hey, look on the brightside, i have regina which is still cool even if its not loud. and i'm feeling a little better and i'll go see my fantastic 3 best friends in the whole world!!
my head hurts. i threw up my panado Current Mood: sick
|Sunday, July 1st, 2007|
imagine being an amputee. i love my friends, they are underrated and i'm glad i'm making new ones.
|Tuesday, June 26th, 2007|
friends are overrated. all they do is hurt. i dont want any more of them. and i seem to be making more. i was thinking about it (i do that way to much), about how i was saying how i get so close to my friends that they're like extra limbs. then how disadvantaged are octapuses!? we've only got 4 limbs, if we were to be hurt only on our limbs then once they've got all 4 theres no more to hurt. octapuses have 8 limbs! it can just keep on hurting! and contrary to popular beleive if you stub your toe a punch in the arm does not cure the pain or even distract from the pain, it just adds more. i dont want any more friends. the fact is i'm making more and theres nothing i can do about it. they're entirly overrated. Current Mood: scared, frustrated
|Thursday, June 7th, 2007|
i just listened to my first compilation of anidifranco for the first time in ages.
i got suspended for three days coz they were making my friend upset and i got sick of it. they fucking well upset my friend and they get of with nothing?! after my 2 days in-school suspension and three days out of school suspension today i wasnt allowed back into the common room to see my friends again. they better give me back my lunch and recess on tuesday.
marmalade was sick so she didnt come to circus so she cant be in the performance. man it'll be weird with her in the audience! i've been elected captain of the the mutineers for our upcoming pirate show at winter magic. on monday we've got a physical workshop with an ex-fruity! tumbling and acro and stuff. sounds cool. monkeys been helping us out again a bit too. not training or anything but he's come to a few lessons. its cool to have him around again.
brody's going to woodford queensland with dad for the dreaming. blue king brown and oka will be there.
and now i didnt post this and went and did other things and now its too late to finish it or write about the things i wanted to write about. anyway. goodnight.
|Friday, May 18th, 2007|
i'm feeling better now. mental heath day off school was definetly needed. my headphones have officialy died and i havnt got any others! so i am currently listening to myspace music stuff. meridith is having a movie night at 8 tonight so i think i'll go to that. bilbys performing in his school spec tonight and maireads going to watch so i'll go to jj just to play with devilsticks a bit and then head of to merediths place. i scored some cool clothes from her culling of her exesive amounts of clothes and flick gave me a birthday pesent! one of her gooigilwobbly featuses and a pretty picture! TOMORROW IS MY PARTY!! dads here and him and kim are on the bloc building stuff. mums been cooking all day and she's going to cook more tomorrow! marmalade said she'd come to the bloc to help tomorrow at 11 and nat to! i'm not allowed on the bloc sat day. i'm going to go now but i just wanted to say i'm feeling lots better now. Current Mood: bouncy, happy
i'm bored. so. incredibly. bored. school is boring. it didnt use to be. i enjoy some of my drama lessons and sport (dance). i practicly live for the 4 hour a week of circus that i get. tomorrow will be good. dads here now. he arrived last night. one of my earphones has stoped working. tomorrow will be good. nats not going to katoomba high to be bashed. i'm glad. i got lots of new music from marmalade. ben folds is cool. Current Mood: bored
|Wednesday, May 9th, 2007|
|thing i have discovered/rediscovered over the past three days
Dignity is overrated. you'll have a lot more fun if you use a lot less of it.
Love is underrated. there are strangers who you'll walk past in the street and you have no reason not to love them so love them for the 10 seconds that they are apart of your life!?
hugs are underrated. they make some people feel warm and fuzzy and loved. be careful though because some people dont like cuddles, in this case replace them with smiles?
word are facinating things! open yourself a word doccument and type in random words, right click and rest your cursor on synonyms, there are so many more ways to express ourselfs than we usually use! try happy (blissfull?) sad, tantamout, (word i found in the dictionary in english yesterday, synonymous!) laugh and cry get some good ones.
there are so many ways you can look at something thats happened/happening, you can think about things in a way that will save a shit load of worry, so why worry?
if you can find something to be grateful for everyday, then chances are its going to seem like theres a lot more to be grateful for! it would also make dad happy to receive replies to his grateful texts.
i'm going to pull my finger out, do my homework properly, help mum out around the house more, earn some money and get myself to 2 circus sesions a week.
well i've had a very unearthing 3 days havnt i?!
tomorrow i see marmalade again and i have circus and i find out wether ruby and adrian and warren and amanda and jack and maddline are coming to my party. i also have dance for sport tomorrow wich i am enjoying immensly.
and you want to know a secret? ITS MY BIRTHDAY 3 DAYS!! Current Mood: decided, optimistic, blissful
|Monday, April 16th, 2007|
that one guy is playing at the metro theatre in sydney. FUCKING OVER 18 GIGS!!!
anyway, its probably for the best, for one he performing the night after dads birthday and for two i need to slow down. holidays are for slowing down after a term of school, not speeding up. i have not yet these holidays spent the whole day at home and not socialising. today i got home after sleeping over at treishes place (random friend of marmalades) i spent the day taking care of small chilren for 4 hours, cleaning my room and doing science homework. (my project is due in 3 weeks and 4 days and i've decided my project will take 3 weeks. cutting it a bit close?)
either friday or sunday i'm hoping to get a whole day with no socialising, a day for calming down. the other thing is i have no idea when we go back to school, it could be next tuesday or the one after.
since about half an hour ago i've had a strange desire for my natural coloured hair. mabye this is why i've been putting of dyeing it, or rather letting my book grab me very easily. when ever i say that i imagine a great big hand reaching out from the book and grabbing me and pulling me into my book until i dive in head first and disapear with a swirl kind of like water down a plug hole. i'm grabed and i walk over and pick up my book of the arm of my chair and stand there reading it, then i start getting pulled down and i sit on the arm of my chair, then i start swirling around and making gurgling noises and i lean over and then slide/fall into my armchair and i'm gone until someone calles me and i clamber out or i reach a lull in the story or a finish of chapter.
anyway, i'm wondering why i want normal hair again and if this wish will have vanished tomorrow and i'll dye it before bilby's party. what a bizare phenomenom!
i saw a sign on the highway for an open air movie somewhere near the council lawns on wednesday night. that might be nice if its a good movie.
i'd better get somesleep soon, i'm so tired. tomorrow i intend to start my science project, do some costume modifications for saturday, practice devilsticks, make chai, call bilbly, possibly walk up to go-lo to get him some truly random bilby-esque present, possibly walk up to the highway to see the sign and find out more about this open air movie and if i want to i'll dye my hair and then at somepiont in the evening i'm off to bilbys place. did you know that in the whole time i've known him i've never seen his bedroom! thats crazytown! anyway, i'm going to bed now, goodnight. Current Mood: tired
|Monday, March 26th, 2007|
i remember in yr 6 i used to listen to allstar by smashmouth, to death. theres a line in it that says "my worlds on fire, how 'bout yours? thats the way i like it i never get bored" i used to think that sounded "cool". well i sure aint bored now and i'm not sure if i like it or not but my god theres so much happening! i think on fri i just had overload is all. i reacted a lot more than if i so much else hadnt been happening. in at least a month i reckon we'll all take a big breath and say "wow, what a ride!" then gasp in again as life throws something else in our face. i've got 3 essays i need to give in tomorrow that ihavnt done and a 2 page, 2 drawing art asignment due wednesday and i have a maths test on wednesday wich i havnt done my homework for and i havnt done my scince home work and i've got a gig tomorrow from 6 30-9 and i've got tomorrow arvo do all my home work, get a costume together, do chores for parentals, call bilby coz he's upset and call jill coz she's upset and i'm hanging out with marmalade from 3 30-4 30 and somewhere in there i've got to walk bos'n. and then wednesday arvo to pack for queensland then camp then then national folk festival and take care of the kids for 2 hours and i'm still having fitz withdrawals!
and i dont even have the right to complain coz i'm only in yr 10!
anyway, off to bed with me. Current Mood: amused, scared
|Friday, March 16th, 2007|
well i said i'd write when i next soared and i managed it last night walking home from circus. i played bond on my zen, kismet and quizote and the wind blew and my feet fell in step with the music.
about an hour afterwards was a different matter but anyway.
in half an hour i get let off and i can go to kingsfordsmith park with my devilsticks and my journal and my music. then i'm going to meet up with hanchan so that we cam walk into juggle jam together because marmalades angry with her. i hope tonight goes alright. i've got to go jump on the bed with finn now. Current Mood: happy
|Wednesday, March 14th, 2007|
today everyone was at each others throats. snappy grumpy day. i was glad becy was there to talk to. i miss marmalade, i dont see her often enough, i remember when she had band practise and we saw her on tuesdays as well. mabye i'll take some time out of bts tomorrow, go to kingsford smith park with my devilsticks or something. i promoise next time i soar i'll write all about it here. then again mabye i wont take time out of bts. i'm looking forwards to seeing my circus people. i really need some new music. acctually i need some new anything.
i want i hug. and my dad. or both at once. we're flying up to brisbane together to get the combi back, we'll drive it back together. i dont know how many hours of flying down the freeway with music. of talking as much as we like. and then knowing dad we'll probably stop somewhere for pancakes or something random. anyway. thats 2 weeks away. and right now i need to sleep. goodnight. love to the world. Current Mood: bored
|Tuesday, March 13th, 2007|
i suppose we're kind of acting like nothing happened. i mean i'm still a bit angry i suppose but i'm also still hurting from monday. that hurt so much its incredible. it was ment to hurt her not me! bronte saw i was upset and came and huged me and i just leaned into her. i had to pull away though because i felt the tears coming and i'd just spent from the moment hanchan got on the bus trying not to cry. but if the school was empty and no one going to see me then i would've leant on her and bawled my eyes out.
then in class our eyes kept meeting because thats what they do in class when we dissagree with whats being said or when we're bored. i kept breaking eye contact but we we were still talking really, we can have whole conversation without sayng a word. so we were not talking just enough to hurt each other but still enough to make me angry at myself for giving in.
then nat made that comment about her being nice to him the one time we were trying not to talk to her. we were all sitting together, all the mob who go to korowal. steph said she was cool with her. nat said yeah i suppose. and all three of them looked at me. i felt a surge of anger again just like when our eyes met before. i realised "what am i thinking? we're not going to get anywhere if we dont talk!" so we talked i suppose. and all day we talked haltingly and i talked to other people about how angry i was while it hurt so much to say such things that were all true thoughand we talked some more. and it still hurts. i never got to cry in the end. i wish i could. i also think she deserves nearly everything she gets from mairead although that wont make it any easier on me Current Mood: hurting feelingbetter scared.
|Thursday, March 8th, 2007|
i'm just bored of everything. i want to curl up in a great big squishy red armchair with an endless supply of good books and my choice of hot choclate and chai and thunderstorms. and i want time to be able to write several pages in my paper journal. and i want as much time as i want to practise devilsticks and hat manipulation. i want to see all my old primary school friends. i want hannah to care. i want dad to get the combi back from brisbane so that i get my sfaff and mycostume back. i want enough money to buy a million tubes of blue hair dye and snake poi and lolipops from newtown and any of the boots from the shop near townhall for marmalade birthday. i want to be able to buy nat a white pencil and black paper and watercolours and masive speakers and a good guitar that he doesnt have to cushion in tissue paper and a camera he can take out with us and take crazy photos of everything that we'll all laugh at. i want to shout hannah a million hot chocolates at elephant bean and breakfast at fresh and whatever colours, shape or sised contact balls she likes and to pay for her lebret piercing and a new corset and boots and whatever! i want steph to be able to come back to circus if she likes and for her sisters not to be so bitchy to her and for her to be able to hang out with us more. i want to know what bilby would like so tha i can want to give it to him. i want to there to be another hole in the fence around the renaisance center. i want a good sleep in. i want to go to blues and roots orthe great escape and not the national. i want woodford. i want to dance into the early hours of the morning. iwant some more hair dye, orange or rasberry or red woul be good but i'd settle for anything that doesnt grow tha colour naturly. i want some oreos, i havnt had oreos in so long! i want golden fool! aaaahhhh golden fool! fitz! i want to give mum and kim a break on some tropical island or something where they're waited on hand and foot. i want to find something perfect for dads birthday. i want to see my dad. i want three litres of kero to myself to twirl with my stick thats in brisbane for as long as i like. i want mob. i want to blow up another one of those tomato sause bottles with kero. i want to fix global warming and all that other crap in the world, you know, war, famine, oppression, etc, the lot.
if my whinging has annoyed you then DEAL WITH IT! coz it made me feel i little bit better.
so there. Current Mood: bored, grumpy
|Monday, February 26th, 2007|
i have the most awesome dad in the world. Current Mood: feeling better
|Sunday, February 25th, 2007|
they fixed the hole in fence around the renaicance building! i walked up there by myself in the rain today and checked both holes and couldnt get in! i'm sure if we look hard enough we can find another way in but i didnt get to go in today and i got thoroughly wet. Current Mood: ggggrrr, bloody fence fixers!
|Saturday, February 24th, 2007|
i turned the last page and closed my book and walked out of the cafe.
i let my dog free to run, pulled my zen out from my pocket, found rise and pressed play.
as the fisrt drum beat sounded my foot hit the bricks.
my feet pounded the ground in time to the drums all the way home.
i whipped my hat off and the wind flew through my hair nearly as fast as i flew through the wind.
i laughed and the people on the street laughed.
the wind laughed and the mist laughed and the dark laughed and the clouds laughed and the stars laughed and the moon laughed and bos'n laughed and all of life laughed at me and with me.
and i did rise and my heart screamed to the world,
"I FEEL INFINITE!" Current Mood: soaring
|Wednesday, February 21st, 2007|
i swear i really am addicted. i havnt been in such a god mood while at school for what? 3 weeks? a month? last night a had a book again! i lost myself for an hour or 2 in it. then this morning i had a good thermos of chai with extra ginger. with a fully charged zen i could hardly keep still for most of the day. huzzah for stories! and for tonight i've finally got the perks of being a wallflower from the library and anotherone wich i cant rememebr what it is but its by the same guy as birds without wings. but now it'll be harder to do my homework.
tomorow we've got the swimming carnival, i rekon it'll be kinda fun. none of us acctually care what place we come so its just a day of mucking around in the water together.
our school group is growing, so's our juggle jam group. we're kinda getting closer too. to the newer people i mean, its hard to get even closer to the mob.
in the perks of being a wallflower he says "i feel infinete" to describe the soaring feeling, i think thats another good way of describing it apart from "soaring"."infinete soaring" mabye.
i see mairead tomorrow. so does hannah.
i gave kim my book so i could try and do my homework. i think i'll go retrive it now. and, no, i havnt done my homework but its a goodbook. Current Mood: bored